Heal What’s Broken

What if the key to transforming your most challenging relationships lies in mastering crucial conversations? I recently had the privilege of diving deep into this topic with Greg Stephens, a best-selling author, executive coach, and communication expert with over 28 years of experience. Greg’s insight into leadership, communication, and relationship restoration is nothing short of life-changing. In this article, I’m sharing the powerful lessons Greg shared about why we avoid difficult conversations, how to overcome fear, and the art of building new bridges to restore seemingly impossible relationships.

Why Do We Avoid Crucial Conversations?

We all have conversations we know we need to have but choose to avoid. Greg boiled it down to one fundamental reason: fear. Fear distorts our perception of what will happen, often based on past experiences where similar conversations ended badly. This fear creates a limiting belief that the conversation is impossible to have or will inevitably lead to conflict, pushing us further away from resolution.

Greg’s experience shows that many people lack the skills to engage in these conversations effectively. Often, our early communication models involve yelling or shutting down, and without proper training, we either avoid speaking up or sugarcoat our messages. This inability to communicate openly and honestly only fuels resentment, drama, and fractured relationships.

The Power of Leadership and Communication

Greg’s passion for leadership is rooted in the belief that great leaders inspire rather than command. Leadership isn’t about position or authority; it’s about connection, empathy, and integrity. As Greg puts it, “You want to follow a leader, not because of their title, but because of who they are.”

He emphasizes the importance of self-awareness in leadership. Leaders must model the behavior they expect from others. Greg shared a story about a leadership program where participants broke commitments they had made early on. This exercise revealed a critical truth: everyone is watching, and if leaders fail to lead by example, alignment within the team falls apart.

True leadership requires showing up as your best self, even when conversations get tough. It means owning your part of the relationship, setting clear intentions, and communicating with respect and clarity.

Heal What's Broken: A Framework for Healing Relationships

The title of Greg’s book, Build New Bridges, highlights a transformative mindset. Sometimes, the old bridge—the existing relationship—is too damaged to repair. Instead, we can build a new connection based on honesty, forgiveness, and mutual respect.

Greg walks people through a process that starts with owning your part in the relationship and setting clear, positive intent. This involves:

• Expressing good intent: Clarifying that your goal is to solve problems, heal, and improve the relationship.

• Owning your responsibility: Acknowledging your actions, mistakes, and how you may have contributed to the conflict.

• Speaking your truth respectfully: Sharing your perspective without blame, focusing on observations and feelings rather than judgments.

• Being willing to forgive: Letting go of the need to be “right” and choosing peace over resentment.

• Setting agreements: Creating clear expectations to prevent future conflicts and build trust.

Greg stresses that healing is rarely a one-time event. It often requires multiple conversations and ongoing effort. But the act of starting the dialogue plants a seed for change.

Overcoming Emotional Reactions in Difficult Conversations

One of the hardest parts of crucial conversations is managing your emotions. Greg offers a simple yet powerful tool: when you feel triggered or “punched in the face” emotionally, pause and take a breath. Break the reactive cycle by asking yourself, “What do I want right now—for myself, for the other person, and for our relationship?”

This question helps shift your brain from fight-or-flight mode back to thoughtful engagement. It reminds you of your best intent and keeps the conversation focused on problem-solving and relationship-building rather than blame or retaliation.

The Courage to Have the Conversation

Many people delay or avoid crucial conversations because they fear failure or rejection. Greg shared a story of a woman who avoided a painful conversation with her ex-mother-in-law for over two years. After taking his class and practicing, she finally had the conversation—and it ended with tears, hugs, and renewed connection. The takeaway? Avoiding the conversation only prolongs suffering.

Even if a conversation doesn’t go perfectly, having it is better than letting unresolved issues fester. Greg reminds us that relationships are messy but beautiful, and they require courage, practice, and persistence to improve.

Taking Ownership: Create, Promote, or Allow

One of the most powerful ideas Greg shared is his mantra: “Everything in my life I create, promote, or allow.” This statement calls us to take full ownership of our relationships and the dynamics within them. If there’s drama or conflict, it’s because we are either creating it, encouraging it, or passively allowing it to continue.

Taking ownership means reclaiming your power and responsibility, rather than giving it away to others or circumstances. It’s about being proactive in fostering peace and connection.

Final Thoughts and Encouragement

Greg’s message is clear: don’t give up on your relationships. Whether it’s with family, friends, colleagues, or yourself, the work of building new bridges is worth the effort. It requires humility, courage, and skill-building, but the rewards are profound.

In a world increasingly disconnected by technology and distractions, authentic human connection is more valuable than ever. By learning to have crucial conversations with respect and clarity, we can transform our relationships and ourselves.

If you’re ready to take the first step, remember Greg’s advice:

“Be bold, be courageous, and respectfully speak your truth.”

Your relationships—and your peace of mind—depend on it.

Where to Learn More from Greg Stephens

Greg offers leadership programs, coaching, and a podcast called A Shot of Inspiration. You can learn more and reach out to him through his Website, LinkedIn, or Facebook.

Whether you’re looking to improve your leadership skills or repair personal relationships, Greg’s work provides invaluable tools and guidance. Take the courage to start that conversation today. Build new bridges and watch your relationships flourish.

Buy his book "Build New Bridges: The Art of Restoring Impossible Relationships"

Watch this episode of the Let's Go Win podcast on YouTube